Loss

So Friday 6th November I found out that I'd had a missed miscarriage.  I was 10+6 weeks pregnant but baby had passed 3 weeks previously measuring only 6 weeks.  I was given 2 options.  Firstly, expectant management - wait and see what happens naturally over the next 3 weeks.  Or secondly to book in for a procedure - Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception.  I would have a general anaesthetic and whilst asleep they would clear my uterus.  I opted for the operation.  I was so scared of it happening naturally, of the pain and the bleeding and of seeing my baby. I was booked to have the ERPC on Monday 9th November.

We arranged for my parents to pick up Rosie so that I could have a quiet restful weekend before going in on Monday.  They picked her up and left our house at around 2.30pm on Saturday afternoon.  Within 30 mins of them going I was starting to cramp.  Every few mins I would have a bad one and run to the toilet.  Bleeding was starting to pick up.  About 3.15 I decided it was getting too much and told my husband I needed to go to the hospital.  I was having to breathe through each wave of cramps.  We ran around the house and gathered pyjamas and phone chargers and a few bits.  I changed my pad and we headed to the hospital.  It took about 10 minutes to get to the hospital and to book in.  As I stool at the booking desk I felt a sudden rush.  Running to the toilet I found I had flooded through the pad.  I was taken straight through triage and put in a cubicle.  By this time I was rolling around crying with the pain.  Every few minutes I would feel a gush.  I soaked right through my pad and underwear and was sitting in a pool of blood.  Eventually my husband got someone to come see me, I don't remember much through the haze of pain and the heart rending gushes that I could feel.  I was given gas and air to try and help me through the pain but it ran out.  They were saying something about not giving me anything stronger as I was pregnant but my husband explained that I was miscarrying and booked for D&C and shortly after they gave me morphine. 

I was moved up to a ward soon after, the bleeding was starting to slow and the pain was controlled with a mixture of morphine and cocodamol.  The two girls in the bed opposite were pregnant and eventually I was moved into a side room.  Around 10.30pm I realised that the painkillers must have worn off but I was still not in pain.  The bleeding had almost completely stopped.

The next morning after a very restless night with almost no sleep, I was given another scan.  I was told that my uterus was clear.  It looked like I had passed everything and the lining was already thin and looking good.  Unfortunately though they found the gestational sac complete with fetal pole stuck in my cervix.  The doctor tried to remove it manually but it was out of reach.

Due to the lack of pain and bleeding they said I could head home and just see how I got on or they  said I could still have the ERPC the following morning.  I decided to stay in and was glad I did.  I started cramping again, nothing as bad as before but we kept on top of it with painkillers.  The bleeding came and went.  

I was so scared that I would pass the sac whilst I was on my own.  Thankfully though I didn't.  Yesterday morning I had the ERPC.  It was very strange, one moment I was in the anaesthetic room, next I was waking up with tears rolling down my face.  My baby was gone.

So that's my story.  I lost my 3rd baby at 11 weeks and 2 days.  My heart is broken.