Over the last 10 days I've been told countless times how brave and strong I am. I'm not though. I'm not brave and I'm definitely not strong. If only they could see how I really feel. How I wake up crying in the middle night. How I cry most mornings on waking just at the thought of another day without my baby. Each day I think to myself now I would have had a 2.5 month old baby, now I could be 25 weeks pregnant. Now I should be 12 weeks pregnant. I'm not any of those things though. I'm not even able to start thinking about trying again - pregnancy tests are still showing as positive, my HCG levels are falling but are still not at pre-pregnancy levels. I'm pregnant but I'm not. It's a terrible limbo.
I'm not brave and I'm not strong. I do what I have to to get through each day. I have no idea how to move on so every day I go through the motions of living whilst I feel so very broken inside.
Rosie is the sole bright spark in my darkest days. I do what I can to keep this all from her but it's so hard :(
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