Tired

Another week, more pregnancy announcements.  More scan pictures.  My colleague is leaving to go on maternity leave.  

I'm so tired of feeling like this of feeling such a peculiar mixture of hopeful and hopeless.  I just want my baby already.

I've put more weight on.  It's out of control and I don't know how to pull it back.  I know that I am unlikely to get pregnant at this weight but I can't seem to help myself.  I was 204lbs when I fell pregnant with Rosie and coincidentally exactly the same weight with Lily.  I need to lose around 30lbs to get back to that.  I will do it.  I have to do it.  If I don't, I may never get my rainbow baby...