3 Months

I've been meaning to update this for a while.  Written countless posts in my head which have never made it to the screen.  

So a quick update:

- Snowdrop's anniversary on 14th December was a rollercoaster of emotions.  My BFF gave birth to her 2nd child on the same day and had asked me to be present for the birth - I missed it as baby was in a hurry but spent the rest of the day having squishy newborn snuggles.  I was sad but hopeful for the future.

- I decided to rename Pickle, Lily.  For a few reasons, it's another floral name so fits with Snowdrop and Forget-me-not.  Lily of the Valley is May's birth flower and it was Rosie's favourite name.  She has been asking for a little brother or sister called Lily, though it's not a name that we would ever use because of our last name.

 - I started counselling and returned to work.

- I had my follow up consultant appointment.  With blood tests and an ultrasound.  I should get the results in 2 weeks time.

- My sister and other closest friend are pregnant, due on Snowdrop's due date.

- My heart is still broken.

So that's it.  I am still in limbo.  Still grieving and unable to move on.  Still not pregnant and feeling less hope as days go by...