Cycle 8 = Chemical Pregnancy #2

Last month I was so sure that I was pregnant.  I had no symptoms to speak of but I just felt different.  My chart was textbook perfect and I was not at all surprised to get a super faint positive at 11DPO.  At 12 DPO I had 2 further faint BFP's but my 13DPO my hopes were dashed with a BFN.  Exactly the same as back in December.  I had heavy cramping and bleeding for a day but the bleeding quickly became lighter though it continued for another 7 days.  

This month (Cycle 9, Month 10)  I haven't tracked or temped at all.  I know that CD1/the date I started bleeding from the CP was 29the May so I can track it back from that.  Without tracking though I know that once again something is different.  Going by CM I ovulated on or around 11th June which, as I wasn't with my DH for the 3 days prior,  I think rules me out completely.  (This is almost a week earlier then I would normally ovulate).

I'm numb.  I honestly can't feel anything any more.  Facebook is full of pregnancy and birth announcements, joyful happy statuses (including my best friend who is now 14 weeks pregnant).  Instagram is much the same.  Even Pinterest is full of boards of baby related stuff despite me deleting and hiding as many related pins as I can.  I feel like so much of my life is on hold, I am just waiting and hoping although I barely to dare to anymore.

I dread to think what I will do if I have to go through it all again