Word Explosion

For some reason I feel the need to blog again.  To journal what's been happening and how I'm feeling.  So many things are bubbling away and I almost feel that if I don't get them out I will explode!

A bit of background.  I'm 34, married for 5.5 years with a beautiful little girl who will be 4 at the start of May.  For various reasons I would prefer to keep this blog anonymous so henceforth she will be known for blogging purposes as Rose.

I have PCOS, it is fairly well controlled  in that I have fairly regular cycles (29-42 are the extremes but normally around 33 days long).  When trying to conceive first time round  I was on 1500mg Metformin daily  and I lost around 35lbs.  This time round I am back on the same dose of Metformin but that 35 lbs is back on .

We started TTC #2 in September 2014.  Cycles 1 and 2 were nothing special, I didn't really track anything (apart from AF dates).  Cycle 3 I used OPK's to actually confirm ovulation.  I ovulated on around CD18, at about 5 dpo nausea set in along with super sore breasts.  I felt awful!  At 11dpo I had 2 super faint  BFP's.  That was a Friday.  Over the weekend I started cramping.  Severe pains which stopped me from sleeping or doing anything.  On Sunday evening I tested again, BFN and on Monday the bleeding started.  It was awful.  Very painful, heavy and full of clots lasting 9 full days.  My GP confirmed a chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage.  It was over before it even began and I was devastated.  I didn't know how to move on and then I found a poem that spoke to me.

Little Snowdrop - Author Unknown

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
For every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.

This poem really spoke to me.  I decided to call my lost little one Snowdrop and it seemed to fit.  My little Snowdrop.  Always loved.