Unexpected Emotion

Today was the christening of my friend R's little boy.  I was quite fine going along though christening's are really not my favourite scene at the best of times.  Half way through the service the priest starts to pray, he prays for a number of things and then prays for special anniversaries.  Tomorrow is a year since I found out I was pregnant with Lily.  My closest friend C (who had a baby 3 weeks ago) looked at me with tears in her eyes and that was it the flood gates opened.  I haven't cried for my lost ones for some time and the depth of the emotion I was feeling shocked me.  I thought I was doing ok and that whilst it still hurts knowing that I still don't have my take home baby, I felt that I was moving on and accepting.  Today has shown me that whilst I am doing ok, deep inside me I am still hurting badly and missing my lost ones more than I ever thought possible.  It took me a while to get myself back under control, and when I had my friend hugged me and passed me her precious sleeping bundle.  More tears fell.  Snowdrop, Forget-Me-Not, Lily, Dandelion and the last one who I could never bring myself to name.  I will never forget them and it will always hurt more than I ever thought possible but I will be ok.